Sarcasm is the new funny. These sentences will give you a leg up in conversations. Or then again…these aren’t sarcasm and they are just funny. Use them wisely.
1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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Hate to say it, but is that even sarcasm?
I’m almost positive absolutely none of it is.
#5 but just barely.
woooooooooow. either this is a geniusly executed, intentionally out of touch attempt at providing comedy advice better suited for the eighties…
…or someone needs to bring the author of this article up to speed on the fact that the sarcasm of the eighties gave way to indifference in the nineties, and has since evolved into deadpan irony, in the “black comedy” tradition of oppressed jews in exodus.
this too, has nearly run its course, as mankind matures into the age of aquarius, where we realize that honest and sincere and is the new and best way to be.
anyone who continues to hide behind the old masks of sarcasm and facetiousness will ultimately be rejected socially, and will die off in accordance with natural selection.
/themoreyouknow